Consider this my coming-out confession; I am seriously involved with my iPhone. I know what you’re thinking — it drops calls, the screen takes an occasional nap, etc., but I still wouldn’t trade it for all the other PDAs around. Although I spend hours each day talking on it, our real relationship truly emerges in the off-hours, when I play with my Apps.

To the Luddites out there, an App is an application designed specifically for an iPhone which greatly expands it capabilities beyond just humdrum e-mail, scheduling, etc., many of which could be considered entertainment-related. Of course, Carol defines an App slightly differently. She likens it to downloading “something” to your toaster oven so it can suddenly play music or tap dance. (To which, rather than being amazed at her toaster oven’s new talents, she would generally say … “I just wanted toast!”) She insists I’ve never met an App, I didn’t download. In fact, she’s convinced if I spent as much time on my abs and I do on my Apps, she’d be married to a Brad Pitt lookalike. But in the interests of full disclosure, Carol’s a diehard Blackberry fan, so she tends to look down her “perfect” nose with some disdain when I dwell on my latest iPhone App.

For example, we were having dinner the other night and I couldn’t wait another second to share my latest App find — Ocarina. Excitedly I explained that by blowing into the phone microphone and touching the virtual keys, I could play flutelike music. And by tapping on a global link, I could even eavesdrop on other Ocarina “musicians” around the globe. I think even our waiter was impressed. But I could tell from her glazed-over expression, she just didn’t get it. Her reaction was much the same when I showed her my light saber App which makes that great swishing sound when I pretend to be Darth Vader or my iPhone rock concert lighter which grows brighter as I wave it over my head during “American Idol.”

But I think I hit rock bottom with Carol, when she overheard me showing my “iBeer” app to my brother Ted. You pretend to drink a beer from the beer picture on your iPhone, which gradually drains and when placed upright, rewards you with a satisfying burp! Her reaction was just that incredulous stare which speaks volumes — “What did the aliens do to my husband?” Or more likely, why don’t the aliens come and beam this insane man up?

And so I guess I’m going to have to take my “Apps” undercover so to speak, and play with them only when she’s either asleep or away. Hey, maybe I can find an App that plays lullabies!